just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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