You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
