I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize