i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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