i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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