you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
then he tried to convert me to islam
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
