People in love make me want to vomit
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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