see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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