As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
