atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
