He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
