Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize