Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
