well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
