i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
