You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
