I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
