I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There r osticjed everywhere
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
