turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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