I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
