I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
