I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
