Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
