thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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