Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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