fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
