Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
