He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
