if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
