Someone shit on the floor
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
