That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
