you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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