I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize