Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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