the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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