I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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