there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
