Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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