Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
