good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
