I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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