dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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