that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
