just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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