so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
