The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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