I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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