my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize