some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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