I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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