Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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