i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
