i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
