I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
