I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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