We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
