No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
