I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
