i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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