Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I bet he comes in French.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
