Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wannas sexs uuuuu
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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