How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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