Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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