My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
