Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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