i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
