i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize