Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
