I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
